Sunday, February 08, 2009

Keepin' It Real

So many blog posts, so little time! Honestly, some days it seems I don't even remember I have this blog, which is a good thing I guess. Lots has been going on lately in our lives and in my mind... several of which are blog-post-worthy, but somehow I haven't managed to sit and take the time to write like I have in the past. I've noticed that several of the blogs I read are the same way... lots of posts for awhile, and then a period of time with not much new. I guess that's good. You've got to live it before you can write about it. And that's what I've been doing.

I was unspeakably blessed by those of you who emailed and commented to let me know you were praying for my husband's trip to Ethiopia. That was a challenging week for us here. I had a calmness coupled with excitement about where he was going and what he was doing, but then, as is always the case, there were some major tests for us leading up to the trip. That's always the way it is before a mission trip! Prior to previous trips we have had our washer break, then our dryer, major car repairs necessary, air conditioners go out... well, basically all manner of house repairs. Some of you were instrumental in praying for me just before my last China trip in '07, when I ended up wearing a heart monitor for some wonky heart issues. This past summer before we went to Ethiopia to bring Minte home, I was going to the chiropractor for 3 visits a week up until the day we departed, just to be able to move my head from side to side. What was THAT??? Not to mention that I had to have 2 root canals. I felt like I was falling apart! So, it was no surprise to me that while Luke was gone we had the major stomach bug that everyone got. That wiped me out for longer than just the couple of days that it was at its worst. I feel like it's been a week or so of getting back to normal. So, the blog took a back seat.

In the interest of "keeping it real" on this blog, and not always painting too rosy a picture, I will share that there was a time of intense spiritual heaviness for both Luke and I just before he left for this trip. It was tied to something very unexpected that we were made aware of in the few days leading up to his departure. I don't know when I'll ever share what it was in this forum, but believe me when I tell you that for a time we felt sawed off at the knees. On the one hand, he wondered if he should leave, and on the other hand we both took it as a confirmation that he absolutely should! I believe we have a very real enemy, and I also believe he didn't want Luke to go, so he struck a low blow. So, to me it was all the more to God's glory that Luke went and God was able to accomplish through him (and the team) what He did. We still have a battle on our hands here, but I have never felt more like God is near.

Here's an interesting side note that I've shared with a couple of friends and actually told them I wouldn't put this on the blog. So, of course I'm about to. One day a few weeks ago when we were dealing with the issue to which I alluded above, I had had it. Absolutely had it. I decided I needed to not just kneel in prayer, but completely lay down in prayer. Face down. I was in my bedroom, in front of our bay window, and just decided then and there to completely humble myself before the Lord and cry out to Him for wisdom, for forgiveness, for this issue for which we were so burdened. I felt like I couldn't sink any lower, frankly. All I could do was lay down. So I did. And as I did, crying out to the Lord and thinking I couldn't be any more humbled or burdened, it went down to another level I had not anticipated. As I pressed my face to the floor in prayer, I smelled... it. A old, obviously unnoticed doggie "accident." Oh my word!! So, there. Anyone who's ever expressed to me (or to someone who has relayed it to me) that my blog paints to "perfect" a picture of me... there you go. What did I do? I simply pivoted myself around like the big hand on a clock, continued my outpouring to the Lord, then got up, washed my face and then got the carpet cleaner. Humbling, indeed. But such is life in a Genesis 3 world, right?

I have other "keeping it real" thoughts that I would like to share, particularly involving our adoption and the adjustments that have been involved. I will save that for its own post, though. I can sum it up by saying that our precious new son is a hurting, grieving, broken little boy. He's resilient and and nothing short of a trophy of God's grace, but he has been through things that are unthinkable. So, he has bad days. He's had them since he got here, and he continues to. (In fact, one of his worst was the last day Luke was gone.) Every time he does, I feel an extra measure of God's grace to get us (and him) through it. Those bad days are becoming fewer and farther between, though, praise God. I feel like I can finally share about it, not only for other adoptive families to benefit from, but also as another way to give God glory for what He is doing on a day-by-day basis in our lives and in our precious son's soul. His mercies are new every morning, and it's always morning somewhere! One day more.

So, hopefully I'll have more time in the days and weeks to come to post more, but just wanted to pop in and "keep it real." I wouldn't want it any other way! God is so good!


kristinleighkelly said...

Thanks for sharing, I'm praying for you and miss you, too!

Much Ado said...

thanks so much for your honesty in this post, I learn a lot from you. Your blog name is perfect "one day more" and also new mercy! :)

Jill said...

I have missed you so Cyndi. Thank you so much for your honest post. It is an encouragement to hear your real life stories. Remember we are all doing life together, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Deidre said...

I come here BECAUSE you keep it real. Always have in my opinion. Thank you for sharing how God is actively working in your life - even when we FEEL only the enemy is working. El Roi is aware of every single thing going on in our lives and He tends to each and every one.

I have to tell you since my last bible study, I have prayed daily face down and there is nothing more humbling. It's just the best way to exalt the Lord and put myself in my rightful place - at his feet of mercy.

I am praying for you and your family. You always teach me how God works in all things and our trials are worth it. Thank you!

emily said...

Cyndi, I love your blog so much and it is always an encouragement. I think you do a great job being real... (and I am all for authenticity but I also think that blogs are just that, blogs- amaaaazzinngg tools for sharing and learning from each other, but I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping our deepest struggles something we discuss with our face-to-face friends and family. Just my collegey opinion :-)).

That said, I do appreciate you sharing some of the "harder parts" of your adoption journey... as someone who hopes and prays to someday be an adoptive mom, it's actually really encouraging- to know that there are hard parts and you STILL love it and think it's so so worth it.

Anyway... love your blog, and thanks for posting!


Vickie said...

As you know, you are a real encouragement to me so I hate to hear of any struggle your family is having to face. It breaks my heart.

Know that I am praying.

Daisy said...

Cyndi, once again, I am so moved by your testimonies and by the greatness of our God in your life and in your sweet family. Your "realness" brings great strength and hope to those who hear. ("My soul makes its boast in the Lord: let the humble hear and be glad" Ps 34:2) Thank you for being so real. And, not only am I drawn in and touched by the deep things your share, but I find myself in the midst of it even being caught off guard bursting into laughter!! Your authenticity blesses me!