Monday, February 20, 2012


I was so excited to attend the "Empowered to Connect" conference last weekend, sponsored by Show Hope and featuring Dr. Karyn Purvis. Amazing, amazing stuff! I want to "unpack" so many of these thoughts in future posts, but for now, here is what I "live tweeted" as I sat and tried to "drink from the fire hydrant" for two days!
  • Some parents are trying so hard to save our kids, we're drowning ourselves.
  • Recreate the developmental environment/process they missed.
  • Give teenagers the same thing you would give a just looks different.
  • Are any of us adopting/fostering a child that came from a "warm & fuzzy" beginning? (Uh. No.)
  • 12+ years old, "diagnosis du jour"= bipolar disorder
  • There are answers. Great answers. And it doesn't take a PHD to know them. -Dr. Karyn Purvis
  • The essence of connection is "I hear your voice, I feel your need, and when it's in my power I will say yes." Dr. Karyn Purvis
  • Nothing we do with our kids will matter if we don't FEEL where they have come from.
  • Don't ask him what he did wrong. Ask what he needs
  • Honored to be in a room with hundreds of parents who are on the front lines.
  • Next session: Understanding a Child's History &Its Impacts" Oh, my child's history absolutely breaks my heart. But I am willing to go there.
  • Capacity of the brain is based on early nurture.
  • You CAN redo infancy with older kids with respect.
  • Don't ever give up on your child. There's a "real boy or girl" in there. God's got a plan for them. Jer29:11 (words from an adoptee)
  • I can relate!! I am on the "journey of the wounded healer." God can heal and restore parents AND children.
  • It's not an easy journey. But it's a grace journey.
  • When we keep them close, the stories come out, healing occurs.
  • "When going back makes sense, you are going ahead." -W. Berry (I've got to deal with MY stuff.)
  • I have to ask myself "WHY does this bother me so much??" when my buttons get pushed.
  • Am I letting my past be an unwelcome guest in my parenting moments? Quit letting it intrude. Go back and make sense of it.
  • If I don't guide and lead the way in attachment, I'm putting a lot on a wounded child's shoulders.
  • There is no healing without "being with." Being THERE is not being WITH.
  • It's a rectangle conspiracy!! Rectangles are getting between the members of our families: iPods, TV's, phones, iPads...
  • My goal as a parent: "And they lived faithfully ever after."
  • "I didn't like who I had become." I SO appreciate Terri's transparency. Authenticity is KEY.
  • My life is a big puzzle, and God gives me pieces at different times. -Terri Coley
  • Teaching self-regulation using Nerf guns? My guys will totally go for this.
  • LOVING seeing all of the grandparents who are here. I want to be that Nana someday!
  • Hear it...hear it. Yes, that's me! I need spaced repetition of all this stuff! There is grace.
  • What will I DO with what I know? Jesus, help me implement what You're telling me.
  • James 1:27 calls us to enter into their lives. What a privilege!
  • Grieve the ideal child in your mind, and love the amazing child right in front of you.
  • A huge part of being a lifelong learner is UNlearning. My child is unique! Some of what I've been taught does not apply to him.
  • I always want to buy everything on the conference tables at these things. But my kids need food. Sigh.
  • If you adopt a child from an orphanage, you've got a survivor.
  • My authority is enhanced, not undermined, by sharing power with my child. When I share power I show it is mine to share
  • Our kids have come to us with a boatload of broken promises and a broken heart that goes with it.
  • Don't expect them to give you words twice if they figure out you're not listening.
  • I don't need an elephant gun for every infraction! Try not to break stride.
  • Up the levels of structure and nurture if the child is out of control. What if *I* feel out of control? Same approach, I am thinking.
  • Answering yes=nurture, no=structure Do we need both? Absolutely!
  • When does my God *ever* leave me alone to "cry it out" so I can "self soothe?" Never. Some parenting books get it WRONG.
  • FIRST "What do you need?" NOT "What did you do?" Misbehavior is goal-driven.
  • You may be prepared for a child from a hard place, but is your church's childcare? Churches need to be in it for the long haul.
  • "It's really hard work to bring a child the rest of the way home." Dr. Karyn Purvis
  • "It's ok to make a mistake. Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue."- Dr. Karyn Purvis.


Julie said...

Wow! Great words of wisdom. Can't wait to hear more:)

Pat Morgan said...

Thanks for this! Can you say more about learning self regulation with nerf guns!!??

Cyndi said...

Yes, Pat! I need to share more about that!! Basically, she gave a group of teenagers self-regulation tips and then let them shoot nerf guns at each other to get all "wound up," then they self-regulated after that. It was awesome, and a great way to relate to them. I have GOT to make more blog time to share more from that conference, there was so much wonderful info. Thanks for stopping by!