#ETC12

I was so excited to attend the "Empowered to Connect" conference last weekend, sponsored by Show Hope and featuring Dr. Karyn Purvis. Amazing, amazing stuff! I want to "unpack" so many of these thoughts in future posts, but for now, here is what I "live tweeted" as I sat and tried to "drink from the fire hydrant" for two days!

• Some parents are trying so hard to save our kids, we're drowning ourselves.
• Recreate the developmental environment/process they missed.
• Give teenagers the same thing you would give a newborn...it just looks different.
• Are any of us adopting/fostering a child that came from a "warm & fuzzy" beginning? (Uh. No.)
• 12+ years old, "diagnosis du jour"= bipolar disorder
• There are answers. Great answers. And it doesn't take a PHD to know them. -Dr. Karyn Purvis
• The essence of connection is "I hear your voice, I feel your need, and when it's in my power I will say yes." Dr. Karyn Purvis
• Nothing we do with our kids will matter if we don't FEEL where they have come from.
• Don't ask him what he did wrong. Ask what he needs
• Honored to be in a room with hundreds of parents who are on the front lines.
• Next session: Understanding a Child's History &Its Impacts" Oh, my child's history absolutely breaks my heart. But I am willing to go there.
• Capacity of the brain is based on early nurture.
• You CAN redo infancy with older kids with respect.
• Don't ever give up on your child. There's a "real boy or girl" in there. God's got a plan for them. Jer29:11 (words from an adoptee)
• I can relate!! I am on the "journey of the wounded healer." God can heal and restore parents AND children.
• It's not an easy journey. But it's a grace journey.
• When we keep them close, the stories come out, healing occurs.
• "When going back makes sense, you are going ahead." -W. Berry (I've got to deal with MY stuff.)
• I have to ask myself "WHY does this bother me so much??" when my buttons get pushed.
• Am I letting my past be an unwelcome guest in my parenting moments? Quit letting it intrude. Go back and make sense of it.
• If I don't guide and lead the way in attachment, I'm putting a lot on a wounded child's shoulders.
• There is no healing without "being with." Being THERE is not being WITH.
• It's a rectangle conspiracy!! Rectangles are getting between the members of our families: iPods, TV's, phones, iPads...
• My goal as a parent: "And they lived faithfully ever after."
• "I didn't like who I had become." I SO appreciate Terri's transparency. Authenticity is KEY.
• My life is a big puzzle, and God gives me pieces at different times. -Terri Coley
• Teaching self-regulation using Nerf guns? My guys will totally go for this.
• LOVING seeing all of the grandparents who are here. I want to be that Nana someday!
• Hear it...live it...hear it...live it. Yes, that's me! I need spaced repetition of all this stuff! There is grace.
• What will I DO with what I know? Jesus, help me implement what You're telling me.
• James 1:27 calls us to enter into their lives. What a privilege!
• Grieve the ideal child in your mind, and love the amazing child right in front of you.
• A huge part of being a lifelong learner is UNlearning. My child is unique! Some of what I've been taught does not apply to him.
• I always want to buy everything on the conference tables at these things. But my kids need food. Sigh.
• If you adopt a child from an orphanage, you've got a survivor.
• My authority is enhanced, not undermined, by sharing power with my child. When I share power I show it is mine to share
• Our kids have come to us with a boatload of broken promises and a broken heart that goes with it.
• Don't expect them to give you words twice if they figure out you're not listening.
• I don't need an elephant gun for every infraction! Try not to break stride.
• Up the levels of structure and nurture if the child is out of control. What if *I* feel out of control? Same approach, I am thinking.
• Answering yes=nurture, no=structure Do we need both? Absolutely!
• When does my God *ever* leave me alone to "cry it out" so I can "self soothe?" Never. Some parenting books get it WRONG.
• FIRST "What do you need?" NOT "What did you do?" Misbehavior is goal-driven.
• You may be prepared for a child from a hard place, but is your church's childcare? Churches need to be in it for the long haul.
• "It's really hard work to bring a child the rest of the way home." Dr. Karyn Purvis
• "It's ok to make a mistake. Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue."- Dr. Karyn Purvis.