But is it a good tired? For me, it is. Last week I felt so stretched and so pulled, my sweet husband and I were making some decisions and in so many areas I just felt... out of control. This week, I decided to go back to what I KNOW. I know that God loves me and wants His best for me. I know He is holding my family in the palm of His hand. I know that He has good works for me to do that He planned before I ever took my first breath. I know that those good works are to be a wife to my husband, and to mother my children at home. So this week, I got back to the heart of those good works, first and foremost loving and supporting my husband. I started last weekend taking a new look at just what it is that Luke needs from me. I didn't make a formal list, but sort of just clarified some things in my mind. Then I took a good hard look at what my children need from me. I ordered my week accordingly. I left out the things I was hoping to get done for myself or around the house, or what might look good to other people. I simply narrowed my focus to the three other precious souls who live in this house and endeavored to pour myself out for them in a new way.
I realize that many, many women live this way already. You probably do. I know them. I read your blogs. But for me, it doesn't come naturally (and "How To Pour Yourself Out For Your Family" is not the latest topic on Rachel Ray, Oprah or The View to be sure!) I have to work at putting others first and serving them above all, or I naturally default into what I want to commit to do, what I want to read or decorate or what might most fulfill me or make me look good, whether or not that would do a hill '0 beans worth of good for the other three in my family.
SO, this week I spent extra time looking into the eyes of my children as they spoke to me. I worked extra hard on their schoolwork with them. I made meals that they loved each night, and had them ready when Luke was coming in the door (oh, how he's worked so hard this week!) I made sure that my busy Bethany got to her job at the church and to her classes, I made sure that my book-loving Kyle got to dig through lots and lots of books at the library and that he and I are enjoying a new read-aloud together. I bought their favorite snacks at the grocery store. Everyday my focus was them, not in some back-of-hand-on-forehead martyr way, but because I love them more than anyone else on the face of this earth. Of course, this wasn't so new to me, like I usually don't take them where they need to go, feed them, or read to them. I just chose this week to really do these things with great love and "be all there" whatever we were doing. Sometimes I just run here and there with and for them like some sort of robot (mom-bot?) but this week I chose to see it differently. I didn't just wait around like a servant to see what they asked for, either, of course. Our days are purposeful, planned, and full. I just filled those days with what would most bless them.
And you know what? The rest of it happened. I got that haircut that I've so desperately needed. I finished two books I was reading. I blogged. The house is really coming together (we are painting). I got together with one friend and had great phone conversations with two others. I took care of ministry needs. Everything else that I was so frantically trying to accomplish... fell into place. And if it didn't, I have decided that it must not have needed to. It will happen another time. Yes, it's been a lot of work but since it was SO clearly what God had for me to do, and not what I simply added to my own plate the energy was there. His energy.
God is teaching me so much. It's been a good week.
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
I Peter 4:11
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well.